Life can be better. I read these words just after I’d written them, feeling a strong emotional response. I wished that someone had said them to me when I was struggling years ago.
The event that had brought these words to the surface was a great day out leading a group walk on Kinder Scout. Peter Judd shared a photo of everyone together at a trig pillar, holding up a BMC flag, all of us smiling in the winter sunshine despite having soggy feet from the peat bogs. Reflecting on the positive experience of the day made me think back to a time when my life had felt much darker.
A few years ago I was living in London and on the surface things seemed to be ok because I was in a nice area and a low-stress job. Underneath the surface it was a very different story, and it’s only recently that I’ve realised how bad things felt. On the lowest days I couldn’t face leaving my flat, opening the curtains, or talking to my friends and family. For a long time I felt very frustrated that I couldn’t just be happy or find a clear sense of direction.
I tried to get help and support by talking to the senior managers at work, by going to my doctor about my anxiety, and by attending community support groups. I was afraid of the darkness and looking for light. While the community support groups were a really important outlet for me to express myself, it didn’t help me find a sense of direction.
Eventually I searched outside of the world I knew and I discovered inspirational talks by coaches on Meetup. I booked a ticket and entered a new dimension of possibility, hope and direction. My eyes were wide open and I began to work with a coach. In the beginning, she encouraged me to focus on what brought me joy.
I remembered that when I was a child I loved being outside in nature, so I started to do that again. I began locally and felt the change in me right away. Soon I was signing up for all sorts of guided walks in the south of England, meeting new people every weekend, and getting my confidence back. The welcoming and open nature of the outdoor community massively helped me to reconnect with myself and set me off in an entirely new direction in life.
The BMC Peak Area group walk last week reminded me of where I’d come from. Partly because some members were setting foot on Kinder Scout for the first time and felt nervous about the experience. Also because some people talked to me about areas of dissatisfaction and frustration in their lives. It made me think about how a group walk can help by offering a new experience, having the space to think and talk things through with new people, and in building confidence.
While the question of “what brings you joy?” doesn’t immediately resolve everything, I know it can help you to move away from darkness and towards light, even when it seems impossible. A few years ago, when my curtains were closed, I didn’t know how to answer the question of feeling joy. But I peeked out and I became curious. It’s a simple tool that I return to in my own life, and that I use in my coaching work too.
Nine years ago, my fear of how low I was sinking made me feel desperate to search for a solution. Stumbling upon coaching gradually helped me to realise that no one else could tell me which direction to follow. I needed to find my own way, but with support to help me with my confidence and to feel accompanied along the way. This has stayed true for me and I’m very grateful to have the people that surround me. Now I’m here to tell you the reassuring message that I needed to hear back then. Life can be better.
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